Caregiving Happens. Now What?

Caregiving does not always arrive gradually, giving you time to research, prepare and hold a calm family meeting. Sometimes it just happens.

One day you are managing your own life. The next day, someone you love needs you, and the role you are expected to play has changed.

I created Caregiver Corner because I know that feeling.

I raised three children with high needs, and I am now raising two very young grandchildren with my husband. Caregiving has entered my life in different ways and at different stages. I have often found myself trying to understand a new system while continuing to work, manage a home, care for everyone else and figure out what comes next.

There is rarely a pause while you get organized. Nobody hands you a binder with all the answers. Life keeps moving while you try to catch up.

Ottawa has many helpful organizations and people doing good work. The difficulty is knowing who does what and whether they are the right place to call. When you are tired or frightened, searching websites and explaining your situation repeatedly can feel like another full time job.

Sometimes you do not even think of yourself as a caregiver. You are a spouse, parent, grandparent, adult child, sibling, friend or neighbour. You are simply doing what needs to be done because somebody has to do it.

That does not make the responsibility any smaller.

People may tell you to take care of yourself. They are not wrong, but it can sound ridiculous when you have not eaten properly, cannot find an important document and are waiting for someone to return your call.

You probably cannot solve everything today. You may not even know what everything is yet.

Start with what matters right now. Make sure everyone is safe. Deal with the thing that cannot wait. Then choose the next thing instead of trying to carry the entire future in your head at once.

You are also allowed to be direct when people offer help. Ask someone to bring dinner, pick up supplies or take over for an hour. It does not have to be a dramatic request. One completed task can give you enough room to breathe and think.

Some things really can wait. The house does not need to be perfect. Every message does not require an immediate reply. You do not have to understand an entire health or social service system by the end of the day.

Caregiving can contain love, laughter and moments you would never trade. It can also be exhausting, frustrating and unfair. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean you do not love the person. It means a lot has been placed on you.

I created Caregiver Corner as a place for Ottawa caregivers to be honest and find connection. I am not a care provider or transition specialist. I do not assess people or decide which service they should use. I listen and may be able to suggest a person, organization or resource that could be a useful place to begin. You decide whether you want to pursue that connection, and there is no charge.

If caregiving happened suddenly and you do not know where to start, tell us what is happening. We will listen.